Friday, November 18, 2005

Day 318 - Faking It

Just wanted to put up a little note to let everyone know that I am thinking of them. I want to apologize for the lack of blog entries. At the very beginning of this deployment, I remember reading a blog from an Army Wife who had stopped her blog mid-deployment saying that she couldn't continue to post her feelings and emotions in such a public way. At the time, I couldn't understand that. Well, now I do.

I think everyone has a limit in life where they can't take something anymore. I can't continue to smile about this. Al has been gone since August of 2004 - and even though he will be home in less than two months, it feels like forever. I have so many worries and fears about starting a life together when we have spent so much time apart - and there are still so many blank squares left on the calendar that I can't fake this anymore.

To be honest, a lot of you probably think that I am "Mrs. Positive Attitude" - and that I have been a ray of sunshine this whole time. Well, I'm here to tell you that that's a big fat lie. The people that know me best - the people that really care about me and that have to put up with me on a daily basis - will tell you that this deployment has probably made me more neurotic than I have ever been. If I was a control freak before, I'm probably 99% worse now - just try talking to me when my cell phone rings with a call from Iraq on it - when you come back with a nub, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of that phone call or that email being the fuel that I need in my gas tank to go on another day. I have no choice but to do this another sixty or so days - there are no options - but if there were, I would have cashed in my chips several times by now.

Before I met Al, I honestly didn't know what love was. Except maybe my daughter Emelia, I've never had to sacrifice this hard for something before. I've never had to give until I felt empty - only to wake up the next day and give some more. Al has given sacrifices equal to mine - only his have been both to me as his wife - and to our great nation.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear anymore about this. My mother, a very wise woman, must have told me a million times while I was growing up that if I couldn't say something nice, that I didn't need to say anything at all. I hope that I can come back soon with nice things to say. I want to say them, I want to say how much I love America, how proud I am of my soldier, how wonderful it is to be a military wife - but the words come back empty - they lie flat on my tongue with a bitter metallic taste. To say those things right now would be faking it - I would be lying to people that I care about - and I respect all of you too much to do that. For those of you still dealing with deployments, please know that my prayers are with you until your soldiers are home for good in your arms. Thank you to all of you again for your support.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Day 303 - Project IT Valour

As you know, I have literally been living under a rock lately. Having gotten knocked down HARD with the worst bout of bronchitis of my life - has not allowed me to do a lot of blog reading lately. I finally had the opportunity today to start to get caught up with visiting all of my blogarrific friends - and I discovered that today is the day that donations have started to be accepted for the Project IT Valour contest.

"Valour-IT's online fundraising competition begins today! Let's see who can raise the most money to help reconnect our wounded warriors with the world!

WHAT: Friendly fundraising competition for Valour-IT.
WHEN: November 2nd through Veterans Day (the 11th).
WHERE: Based in the blogosphere, spreading everywhere else.
WHY: Because giving wounded warriors with hand and arm injuries access to a computer supports their healing and puts them back in touch with the world.
HOW: Blogger teams will be divided along military branches, with civilians "up for grabs.""

Now, let me tell you -- there is NO TEAM BUT THE ARMY TEAM! GOT IT?

If you love me at all - if you love Al even a little bit (can you feel a guilt trip coming on?) - PRETTY PLEASE with TONS and TONS of sugar on top - contribute to this AMAZING cause. I don't think any of us can understand what it means to wounded soldiers to be able to communicate with family, friends and the world at large while they undergo the healing process.

It's a tax-deductible donation and eligible for matching funds from companies who do that sort of thing (see: for proof for the cautious).

The snail mail address for those who'd rather donate that way (scroll down at:

Additional information: every donor during this time will receive a Soldiers' Angels Coin.

Are you convinced yet?

Go to our sidebar and click the "Make a Donation" button in the IT-Valour box OR

Go to Blackfive and click the same button to donate!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Day 302 - Happy 'All Saints Day'!

Yes, I am wishing everyone a happy 'All Saints Day' - that's because I was too lazy/tired/whatever last night to edit our Halloween pics and get them posted in time - lol. So, instead of admitting to you that I have once again shirked my blogging duties, I am choosing to live in denial by only acknowledging 'All Saints Day' instead.

First, if you haven't noticed the countdown ticker on our blog - let me bring the fact that we are now over the 300 day mark to your attention - WHOO HOO! Being over the 300 day mark means that we are now below the 100 day mark in our countdown! That's right people! Even if they keep Al for every single one of his 545 days that are on his orders (which we are pretty much guaranteed WON'T happen) - we are now down to the double digits to when Al is home. DOUBLE DIGITS! If everything stays on schedule the way it is right now though, we have about two and half months left. Thank GOD. I am so ready for Al to be home and for us to be able to truly start our life together, that it's hard to focus on anything else.

Second, GOOD NEWS - the new antibiotic is working like a champ and a I FINALLY feel like a human being again - yay! I hope to post a lot more to make up for poor blogging performance this past month.

Okay . . . thank you for your patience . . . here's the pics!

Em dressed up as a "Pink Lady" from the 1950's - our Homefront Hugs family provided most of her costume - the poodle skirt, sweatshirt and undershirt - I added everything else.

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And, as a bonus, evidence that I am, indeed, still alive - this is me at work today. I actually even have make-up on - lol.
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