Monday, February 14, 2005

Day 38 - Happy Valentine's!!

We were gone all weekend visiting Al's mom, I have lots of "new news" for everybody, but I will post it later today.

Just wanted to tell everybody "Happy Valentine's" -- I wrote this for my Army Wive's board - maybe it will apply to your life too!!

Valentine's Day to me has always meant a holiday where you were supposed to "get stuff" - where it felt good to be the girl that got flowers from her boyfriend. Where I could stick my face in some roses - or even a big box of chocolates - and be able to hold something tangible in my hands to know that I meant something to someone.

When I was growing up, my mom always made a huge deal out of all holidays - Christmas, our Birthdays - and, yes, Valentine's. Having been the center of attention in my mom's eyes, the first year I was in college was kind of shock to me when I realized that my mommy wasn't going to be there to be my Valentine - and I hadn't really done a lot to get the real kind of Valentine - the kind that a lot of other girls on campus seemed to have. I didn't want to be the only girl on my floor not getting flowers, so I went to the campus bookstore and bought myself some roses and a balloon.

I had some equally disastrous Valentine's as the years went on - never really anything that satisfied that Hallmark chasm of rose-scented, chocolate laden emptiness that filled my soul. Every year that I was with somebody, I would get my hopes and expectations up so high - and even if I did get flowers, it wasn't quite what I expected - it didn't quite "do it" for me.

As I got older and I realized my worth as a person in God's eyes, Valentine's Day didn't really seem to matter as much. And, when I went through what I went through to have Emelia - I developed a greater realization of God's love for me - and that insatiable Valentine's need just seemed to fade away.

Last year, Al and I started dating exclusively right after Valentine's - at the time, we were still just talking on the phone and the computer - so, we were at the stage of "not wanting to send the wrong signal" - I had sent him a CD and a book - but only because it was his birthday - I spent hours in the card shoppe trying not to say too much but trying not to say too little either.

Now that we have dated a year, and are engaged to be married - and now that I am at a completely different place in my life ---- I just want to say to you guys that get flowers or expressions of love tomorrow - how happy I am for you - I know that that will be an instant rush and 'high' of love --- but to look at your heart - and to look in the mirror - you are more than those roses that will lose their luster by the end of the week ---- you are loved - and whether the expression you receive tomorrow is big or small - just know that the important thing is that God has given you somebody to share your life with - a partner - whose daily "I love you" should mean much more than a factory produced card.

And for those of you who don't get anything on VDay (and I may be in your fold - it will be interesting to see what Al does or does not pull out of his hat) - please remember that your worth or the love from your partner is not dependent on a romantic expression of love. You can look in the same mirror - see the same love that God has for you - and know that you were created for a purpose - and that God has you with your partner for a purpose.

I think for all of us ladies whose loved ones are deployed right now or who have been affected by deployment or absence in the past, that we really and truly and maybe for the first time, know that love is not dependent on money, or tons of effort, or that it even has anything to do with Hallmark at all ---- love is that feeling that whenever we hear a certain song, or smell a certain smell - or hear our loved one's voice after several days of absence, or take their letters and hold them against our faces as happy tears drip down our cheeks ---- that is love. You can't bottle it, you can't sell it, it won't lose its luster by Friday - and there's no extra charge for delivery --- at the end of day tomorrow - roses or no roses - that love is the best Valentine that you could ever, ever have gotten. Treasure it and hold it close to your heart - that kind of love is rare and precious - just like you.

I love you!


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