Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Day 51 - Mail Call! AND Patience!

Well, this entry would be a lot less of ironic if I hadn't just gotten done typing the whole thing and hit "Publish Post" - and had it disappear - ugh!

Since Al and I have started this deployment process, I have learned SO much - I've learned about the Army, I've learned about patriotism, I've learned what love really means. Out of all of those lessons though, I think one of the most important has to be what I have learned about patience. From the beginning, Al and I had our patience trusted: when things went back and forth with training, when 'lock down' happened more than once, when we were waiting to see one another for Christmas leave, even down to waiting to find out when he was finally going to fly out for the Sand. You would think that by now, I would have the lesson mastered - but it was proven today that I am but a mere novice when it comes to this virtue.

Al called yesterday and said, "Baby, we're getting a huge shipment of mail tomorrow - a big, metal box FULL of mail" ---- and I instantly let myself hope all over again. You see, I have been waiting for several weeks now for Al to get his Birthday and Valentine's packages - that I mailed on January 31st - that I wanted so much to get there in time for the 14th --- to no avail. That day came and went, and Al got one measly package from me - his first general one - and then nothing since.

I don't know if I have some strange repressed need from a long ago summer camp experience, if my parents spoiled me too much with care packages when I went to college - or if I was a neglected soldier in another life - but, it is SO important to me that Al gets mail. I know it's silly - but when he hears the words, "Mail Call" - (I don't even know if they even say that or not) - I want him to KNOW that there will be mail in there from me. Heck - if I could mail myself to Iraq - I probably would!!! So today, when Al told me that he got packages 4, 5, 6 and 7 - but no 2 and no 3 ---- I was absolutely crushed. I put so much work in them and I was just devastated - and, to turn a phrase, "I lost my patience".

Then, one of my Army wife friends reminded me - that if God wanted Al to have those two packages, he would. She said that Al will probably be having a really, really bad day one day - and the packages will arrive at the perfect time. Of course, I started crying --- why can I trust God with the big, huge, gigantic stuff in our lives - but I can't trust him with the little stuff? Why can I trust that He has Al in the palm of His hand right now, that He is protecting and blessing him every day - but that he can't keep track of two little boxes of "stuff"?

So, 'patience' has been pounded into my head once again. I am putting Package 2 and Package 3 as a trust offering on my mental altar to our gracious Father - and looking forward to mailing Package 11 this week - it will have his Easter basket in it - and I will be muttering "patience, patience, patience" to myself until I find out that Al gets it safe and sound - lol!

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